Fantasy Football is Like Marriage (or vice versa)
Nobody likes the guy that walks into a room in the middle of a TV show and starts asking questions: “Why don’t that Ross and Rachel get together?” or “Why are they running through the jungle from that cloud of smoke?” or “Are you gonna finish those fries?” So, if you missed part one of this series, we will respect the rest of the class and let you catch up on your own time by clicking here.
For some guys, to keep a happy wife during fantasy football season they have to negotiate a peace (or as I call it “pulling a Menachem Begin”). Fantasy football may be a source of strife for the wife, but there is a better way than just suffering through it. I have for you, dear reader, three ways that fantasy football is like a good marriage (or vice versa). Just as George turned his life around (albeit briefly) when he resolved to do the complete opposite of what he would normally do, putting these ideas into practice will bring you success at home and in your fantasy league.
Before I dive into that though, I wanted to share a suggestion on brokering a peace (aka pulling a Menachem Begin) with your wife during fantasy football season. It came from a fantasy football radio host, Peter Burns (twitter: @PeterBurnsRadio). His idea is a revenue sharing agreement of your fantasy football winnings with your significant other. This may be worth a try for you; however, there are two potential pitfalls. First, if you don’t win then you have no pot to split. So, you’ve lost credibility as a fantasy winner and you’ll never be able to use this approach again. Second, most relationships operate under the reality of “what’s hers is hers and what’s his is hers”. So, why would she want to split with you what she already believes is 100% hers anyway.
Without further ado…allow me to bring you three ways successful marriages and successful fantasy teams are alike.
Make Time for What’s Important
If you set priorities and schedule your time wisely, you can make both your fantasy team and your wife happy. You know the days of the week that are critical for fantasy football success. Obviously, Sunday. You’ll need Monday night, too. Tuesdays are for waiver wire work and trades. So, you can establish a permanent date night with your wife on Wednesday, Friday or Saturday. (Thursdays are a wildcard since NFL games are played on Thursdays later in the season. Keep things flexible on Thursday.) What you’ll find is you will develop a discipline to managing your fantasy football team(s) which will help you find waiver wire gems early in the week and eliminate panicked free agent moves on Sunday mornings. You’ll also find that you are spending more time with your wife, too. Success…all because you made a commitment to set aside time for the important things in life.
The Little Things Make a Big Difference
As we discussed in Part One, being good at fantasy football requires at least a little fanaticism (if you can actually be a “little fanatical”). You’ve got to know the details of wide receiver targets, defensive matchups, team depth charts, and identify what “homer” in your league will trade you LeSean McCoy for Tashard Choice just because they are a Cowboys fan. If you don’t focus on the little things (like you have four running backs with byes in week 8) then you’ll be stuck dealing with big problems (you just picked up Bryan Westbrook for week 8 and you aren’t sure if he is even still in the league).
The same is true in marriage. You need to take care of the little things: Notice when she has a different hair cut or a new dress. Leave her little love notes (click here). Say “thank you”….a lot. Hug her occasionally without trying to grope her. If you don’t focus on these little things then you’ll be stuck dealing with big problems (like she’s spending too much time with the pool boy, Sven, and you have to learn how to divide your stuff in half).
There is No Off-Season
To be successful in fantasy football, it requires a year round effort. Any dope knows you follow games and players during the season, but you also need to focus on the NFL draft, free agent signings, training camp, injuries, hold outs and pre-season games. You can’t show up to the most important day of the year (your league’s fantasy draft) and not be up-to-speed with complete information. If you are trying to fake your way through it, you’ll eventually be found out…Hello Milli Vinilli!
Your marriage also has no off-season. You can’t just show her attention on her birthday, your anniversary or five minutes before you want to have sex and think that will give you a successful marriage. That might work if you are Danny Zuko, but you aren’t him and you don’t have a car with overhead lifters and some four barrel quads.
Fantasy football is fun. To be good at it, you’ve got to work at it. Marriage can (and should) be fun, too. A successful marriage is also a lot of work, however. Neither fantasy football nor marriage has to be hard work, if you take care of business all along the way.
Everybody needs help with both their fantasy football team and their marriage along the way. The Keep A Happy Wife Guy is here to help you with both! Enjoy the season.
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