Pip, pip, cheerio. These Olympic Games are bloody marvelous. What a fortnight of sport!
Now if you haven’t been doing so already, you need to start over reading this post and read it with a British accent. So, go ahead…
No, no…not out loud. Read it in your head with a British accent. Otherwise, these blokes will think that you’re off your trolley.
OK…nevermind. Your British accent is bloody awful (Unless you happen to be reading this and you are British, then “’ello, Guv-nah”. You can read it as you normally would).
In honor of the Olympics, I’ve compiled a brief Olympics Quiz for you to take, gentlemen. No need to worry about getting points deducted by the Russian judge. It is a simple, multiple guess quiz, and I’m confident you’ll take a gold medal.
1. You and your wife are watching women’s beach volleyball. One player sets her teammate who leaps high into the air to spike a winner. An acceptable response from you would be:
A. Wow!
B. That’s impressive.
C. Nice teamwork.
D. Any of the above.
E. None of the above.
The correct answer is D – any of the above. Part of the Olympic Spirit is to recognize great athletic ability.
2. You and your wife are watching women’s beach volleyball. One player sets her teammate who leaps high into the air to spike a winner. In the post-point huddle they pat each other on their bikini-clad bottoms. An acceptable response from you would be:
A. Wow!
B. That’s impressive.
C. Nice teamwork.
D. Any of the above.
E. None of the above.
The correct answer is E – none of the above. To be safe, don’t make a sound, don’t move, don’t even breath. Just sit in silence until archery comes back on.
3. While watching men’s gymnastics, your wife comments on how strong the gymnasts must be. Your response is:
A. Suck in your gut and say: “Yeah…I suppose so”.
B. Flex a little bit every time you do a “12-ounce curl”.
C. Comment: “You know they’re all gay, right?”
D. Stop sucking in your gut because you’re about to give yourself a hernia.
E. Ask your wife to call an ambulance as you’ve separated your shoulder and fractured your skull trying to turn a cartwheel.
The correct answer is D – Stop sucking in your gut. You aren’t fooling her or anyone else anyway. (Although there is some consensus that C is a good answer, too. Right guys?)
4. While watching men’s gymnastics (that seems to be on TV a lot...thanks NBC) your wife says she hopes Team USA can hold on and win a medal. Your response is:
A. “They blew it and came in fifth. This is on tape delay you know”.
B. “I already know how they did. Do you want me to tell you or do you want to keep watching more of this stuff anyway?”
C. “What kind of medal do they hand out for fifth place? Is it aluminum?”
D. “It’s just fun to watch this together, isn’t it, honey?”
The correct response is D – It’s fun to watch this together. My actual response was A. So, I blew it and didn’t win a medal either.
5. Which of the following should be an Olympic Event in 2016?
A. 100 meter heat stroke
B. Pull my finger (team and individual)
C. Synchronized loafing
D. Name That Tune (International Anthem Edition)
The correct response is: stop being such a smart aleck and just enjoy the Olympic games, but don’t enjoy the women’s beach volleyball too much.
