We all think we are good at something. Sometimes, we truly are. Like Colonel Sanders at cooking chicken, Tim Tebow at “Tebowing” or William Shakespeare at writing commercial jingles. Other times, we are deeply convinced we are good at something when, in a reality plain to everyone else, we suck. You know, how Elaine believed she could dance or Ashlee Simpson thought she could sing.
Gift giving is my thing. In my heart I think I’m Santa Claus. However, I hope I’m really not just a “dry heave set to music”. With that in mind, here is The Keep A Happy Wife Christmas Gift Buying Guide or KAHWCGBG for short (although that is not very short).
Plan Ahead: This is a recurring Keep A Happy Wife theme. Use that smart phone for more than checking football scores and playing Words with Friends against Alec Baldwin. Throughout the year, When The Wife mentions liking something on a commercial, I’ll add it to a note on my phone. If she sees something in a store, I’ll wait until she’s not looking and snap a photo of it. By the time you get to Christmas, the list is done. If, however, you are reading this now and have not already bought a gift for your wife, then it may be too late for “plan ahead”. However, this is also “harvest season” for gift ideas. Follow her around the mall for awhile, see what she picks up and says “ooh, I like that”. For the dense among us, that is your clue.
Lingerie: Let’s be honest. When a man is buying gifts for his wife, the temptation is always there to make lingerie a part of the equation. We have a tradition in our marriage, where I buy The Wife pajamas every Christmas that she can open and wear on Christmas Eve. These are normal person pajamas and are not inspired by the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Beyond that example, the lingerie rules discussed in this link should be considered. One other thing, you don’t really want to spend Christmas Day having “the talk” with your 8-year old because they saw mommy opening a present from you.
The Event Gift: One of my favorite gifts to give is “The Event Gift”. No, that is not the DVD of the complete first (and only) season of the horrible TV show called “The Event”. The Event Gift is a trip or theater or concert tickets. It is not a Fandango gift card or tickets to “the gun show” (stop flexing, brother). The Event Gift is like two, two, two gifts in one. It is a gift on Christmas morning (and if you chose well, then it will be the hit gift of the Holiday Season) but it is also a gift at the time of the event itself. What a value! Plus, it is an opportunity to spend time with The Wife and make some memories (that’s not an intentional euphemism, but if it applies…so be it). If your spouse is a “quality time” person, then this may be a good gift route for you to take, too. The Event Gift has been a real success with The Wife. This blog post and this one about last Christmas’ event gift is a good example of that.
Gift Receipt: If you remember nothing else from this blog, remember this: Always ask for a gift receipt. It only took a couple of Christmases of hearing “I love it. Did you keep the receipt?” to figure that one out. Of course, you can’t get a gift receipt for an “Event Gift” or a personally engraved Flava Flav watch-necklace…so be careful there. Including the gift receipt in the box avoids the awkward request from The Wife for it and tells her “I really tried to find you something you’d love, but in case I “pulled an Elaine” on this one take it back and get something you want”. Who knew a receipt could be so chatty?
Say It: Christmas shopping can be a pain the gluteus, especially for us dudes. It can drain your Christmas Cheer faster than being middle aged can lower your testosterone levels (at least what they say on TV). So to keep it up – the Christmas Cheer, that is – say “Merry Christmas”. To less-than-helpful sales clerks, to self-absorbed shoppers, to parking-space-stealing buttheads…say “Merry Christmas”. It will help you keep the Christmas Cheer for yourself and spread it to others as well. Or you could just take Elf’s advice and sing “loudly for all to hear”.
For more gift buying tips (What Not To Do), see the Review, Previews and Insightful Commentary section of this blog!
May all the gifts you give this year be "finger-lickin' good".
From myself, The Wife, The Tall One and The Short One: Merry Christmas to you and yours!
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