The Lighting of the Tree

 Tonight was the lighting of the tree.  Well, maybe not the lighting of THE tree, but the lighting of our tree.  

Decorating for Christmas is one of those things that I always dread-love.  Pulling out the boxes of ornaments and trees and twisted strands of lights from storage is the dread part.  Seeing it all after it has come together...that is the love. 

I especially love the ornaments.  It's an annual life-flashing-before-your-eyes event.  It is a flashback of  family history as I pull out the "First Christmas Together 1989" ornament or the one that says "Baby's First Christmas" or a snowman from 15 years ago that has everyone's name written on it.  

Thirty-one years.  Thirty-one Christmases together.  Spanning our years without kids to years with babies to years with teenagers to years without kids again to now our second year with a grandchild!  

A very personal touch to our family tree is the many ornaments The Wife has made.  Often over the years she's started crafting some of them even in the middle of the summer.  There must be dozens of them now and they are the heart of our tree.  

So, tonight as I searched the tree for the perfect branch for each of The Wife's ornaments, I was reminded of the depth of our connection.  Our lives are as intertwined as one of those strand of tree lights that was packed down deep at the bottom of the box.  I was reminded of how beautiful and reassuring and satisfying it is to be blessed with over three decades together in love.  Each of those thirty-one Christmases is surrounded by another 364 days.  Most of those days have been some level of bliss, but, of course, we've had a few challenges along the way.  Those challenges we have met together and the power of two-greater-than-one hasn't let us down yet.

On this year's lighting of the tree, I am even more hopeful for our future because I've been reminded of our past.  To The Wife I say "thank you".  Thank you for making these ornaments.  Thank you for our history.  Thank you for our future.  You complete me.  (Yes, "Jerry Maguire" is on TBS right now, but it's still true).

Merry Christmas, everyone.  May lighting your tree and this holiday season bring you peace and joy and, most of all, love. 

Keeping A Happy Wife During a Worldwide Pandemic

Welcome to the strangest of days.  We are all plowing new ground together here and I would highly recommend you not try to go this on your own.  Despite the fact that adherence to social distancing may try to send us on a fast track to isolation, we need to remind ourselves we are NOT alone.  And as men, our calling to "keep a happy wife" doesn't take a backseat in these tough times.  If anything, the call should be stronger and we should be more vigilant in meeting it.  With that in mind, here are a few tips on keeping a happy wife even during a worldwide pandemic (plus a bonus sermonette at the end).

Tip #1: Don't Watch So Much Sports: See...I'm starting with an easy one.  How many times has your wife asked you "are you still watching basketball (or football or baseball or...)?".  Our government has removed that from you as an option as to how you spend your time.  That is, unless, you are glued to ESPN watching March Madness marathons from 1983.  If that is you...be better.

Tip #2: Don't Watch So Much News: About five minutes in the morning, five minutes in the afternoon and five minutes at night will get you EVERYTHING you really need to know.  Everything else is simply adding layer and layer of bricks to a wall of fear or anger or disgust.  The same goes for social media, too.  If you can't filter out the barrage of bullsh*t, then delete the app from you phone.  You aren't helping yourself or your wife. 

Tip #3: Stay Connected to Each Other: You may say "But, Kevin, we are in a house-quarantine together.  How much more connected can you get?". Well, if you are spending the hours of your day trying to work from home while homeschooling...that's not necessarily connected.  Or, if you are both staring at your phones seeing what your favorite pseudo-celebrity's opinion of the day is on a medical crisis or an economic upheaval...that's not connected, either.  Talk to each other.  It's certainly good to talk about these events of the day and share your thoughts, but the connection shouldn't center on virus talk.  Talk about good times you've shared - perhaps times you've overcome challenges together.  Tell her you love her!  I also think your wife is an exemption to the social distancing mandate (if you know what I mean). 

My son and grandson on the bottom right. 

Tip #4: Stay Connected to Others: The Wife and I lead a Life Group together through our church.  The last two weeks we have met "virtually" through Skype.  While it is not the "normal", it is some injection of normal into our lives and the lives of those in our group.  I've also met with several groups of friends over Skype in the last week or so.  It is a tool designed for such a time as this.

Tip #5: Be in Peace: Gentlemen, we are all in some level of stress. That is a universal truth that is not unique to these days of COVID-19 .  We each deal with stresses under much more ideal circumstances than this. THIS only adds a good bit more juice to it.  During THIS (just as we did pre-THIS) we need to be intentional about remaining in peace.  Regular bouts of freaking out and losing our minds is not a way to live and not a way to honor our wives in any season...even when dealing with THIS. Our families all have decisions to make during THIS and doing so out of fear will lead to frustration and dismay.  So, how do we remain in peace?

Two Takeaways From Matthew 14

I've been coming back to two separate passages in Matthew 14.  One I started meditating on a few months ago and the other came to mind just today.  I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I didn't realize they were both in Matthew 14 until I started to write this.  So, much for street cred as a Bible scholar.

While I was too dense to see the connection of these passages at first, the connection is there nonetheless.  Both will be familiar stories to even the most infrequent of Sunday School attendee.

The first I'll touch on is the story of Peter walking on the water (Matthew 14: 23-32).  The disciples of Jesus went out on a boat and encountered a terrible storm.  Along comes Jesus walking on the water right on past the boat.  Peter calls to Jesus and says "If it's really you, Jesus, tell me to come out to you".  Jesus replies "Bring it, bro!" (or something like that).  Peter steps out of the boat and is walking on the water towards Jesus.  After a few moments, he takes his eyes off Jesus and turns his focus to the wind and the waves.  His thoughts that moments ago compelled him to step out of the boat (thoughts of bravery and security because of Jesus) were replaced with fear of the things his focus had turned to and he began to sink.  ("Peter saw the wind and was afraid and began to sink").

Peter cried out "Lord, save me!".  Despite losing his focus, Peter still knew Jesus was his savior and was more powerful than the thing that he feared. 

To stay in peace...keep your eyes on Jesus. You control your thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5).  Whether you think you do or not...you do.  Philippians 4:8 tells us what kind of things we should think on.  If we didn't have a say in the matter, God wouldn't tell us we did.  We can choose to dwell on the virus (Do I have it?  Does my kid have it?  Does my wife?)  or we can gain the information we need, turn off the rest of it and focus on what God has to say about who we are (and who our wife and kids are, too). 

Immediately before this passage in Matthew, is the feeding of the 5,000 (Matthew 14:13-21).  Jesus asks his disciples to gather up food from the crowd so that all the people can be fed.  After what must have been a great deal of time, the disciples bring back five loaves and two fish.  Barely enough for a special at Long John Silver's. 

When presented with this completely inadequate supply of food, Jesus "looked up to Heaven, gave thanks and broke the loaves".  Jesus' response wasn't to criticize the disciples or the people.  Jesus didn't freak out and post a photo on Instagram on how little food there was.  He didn't even grab the loaves and fish and hoard them for himself. 

No, in a moment of perceived lack, he turned his vision towards Heaven and He gave thanks.  The result was provision and abundance...not just for himself, but for everyone present. 

In the middle of THIS, many people are panicking.  A mentality of lack and fear are driving people to hoard bread and meat and (for some reason) toilet paper.  In the middle of THIS, people are in a real time of need.  There is the reality of possibly permanently losing a job or a business. 

When confronted with fear...look to Jesus despite the waves and wind demanding your attention. 

When tempted towards lack...look up to Heaven and give thanks.  God will provide.

As I said before, we are all in some level of stress.  Now, (dealing with THIS) more than ever.  How do you choose to respond to that stress is the defining question.  Since we are all experiencing some level of stress (a unique, once-in-a-millennium kind of stress) stay connected to your brother.  The most stable dude you know may be freaking out a bit right now.  Be an encouragement to all of those around you.  And not just a vocal encouragement, but put your faith into action.  You may be the one Jesus is asking to pull a brother from the raging waves.  You may be the one Jesus will use to help feed and comfort another. 

In all of THIS, make good choices about what you look to and what your focus is on.  We will overcome THIS.  And I pray you emerge on the other side stronger in your heart, in your faith and in your relationships than you've ever been.  Love and blessings to you and yours. 

Since the Last Time I Wrote One of These...

Since the last time I wrote one of these six years ago, I am older and fatter.  Most other comparative adjectives don’t play in my favor, either.  However, I do still have life insurance and The Wife has the DVR full of episodes of “Snapped”.  This blog post is quickly headed towards being a potential cry for help.  Let me get us back on track.

Since the last time I wrote one of these six years ago, The Wife and I got one son through college and another is just three months from doing the same.  The Older One also has a good job, a wife, a house and a baby (done in that order).  The Younger One already has a terrific job waiting for him after he graduates.  The Wife is, and always has been, an extraordinary mother to our sons.  And to no one’s surprise, she is taking to the new role of grandmother quite easily.  A very sexy grandma at that (do yourself a favor though…do NOT google “sexy grandma”). 

Since the last time I wrote one of these six years ago, I’ve spent too much time ranting on twitter about sports, politics, music and nonsense.  Then, I’ve spent too much time writing articles for blogs about Bourbon.  The Wife has been ever supportive: laughing at my jokes and liking my tweets (an occasional re-tweet is a much better way to say “I love you”, but I won’t complain).

Since the last time I wrote one of these six years ago, work life for both of us has been quite different than either of us imagined.  The Wife re-entered the workforce and, again to no surprise, she is exceptional at what she does.  She also remains remarkably supportive and encouraging to me in my work.  It’s like she’s an amalgamation of all the women from the movie “9 to 5”.

Since the last time I wrote one of these six years ago, a lot has changed.  Change, in general, is expected.  Change, in specific…that’s where the surprise comes in.  Some of it’s great.  Some of it’s good.  Some of it’s not so good.  Some of it, honestly, can kinda suck.  The constant in all of this has been The Wife.  There is not a shadow of a doubt of her love, her support or her character regardless of great, good or sucky changes in circumstances.  I don’t have to fear that if I mess up, will she still love me (she hasn’t quit on me yet…why start now?).  Even though she may binge-watch a dozen episodes of “Snapped”, I don’t have to fear that she’ll kill me in my sleep. 

Since the last time I wrote one of these six years ago, there is one amazing thing that has changed in such amazing ways and that is amazingly how I love her more now than then.  And that is something that I did not believe could be possible.