Saddam Hussein Captured…that’s breaking news.
Neil Steps On Moon…is worthy of a headline.
Hillary Clinton Adopts Alien Baby…would be newsworthy if true (thanks, Weekly World News).
Men and Women Are Different…that should not be news to anybody. Yet, a scientific study was just published proclaiming this as if it were some sort of breakthrough.
This may sound like a no-brainer but since a study published in 2005, the scientific community has been going under the assumption that men and women are more alike than different. No wonder those in the scientific community don’t date much. Bazinga!
This recent study published by Plos One (and linked here) revealed the results of a questionnaire given to over 10,000 Americans. It tested 15 personality traits and there were significant differences in many of the areas tested.
The largest differences were in the areas of Sensitivity and Warmth, with women displaying these traits more than men. Much, much more than men. Way much more than men. Is “morer” a word?
The most notable traits exhibited more by men than women were in the areas of Emotional Stability, Rules Consciousness and Dominance. Guys, grunt once if you agree. I guess Tim Allen and Home Improvement had it right.
While it is silly to think these differences apply in the same way in every situation and in every relationship, it is even sillier (I know that is a word) to think that differences between men and women are insignificant or, more sillierer (spell check, please) to think they don’t exist at all. Let me give a couple of examples of how recognizing these differences can be useful to both men and women.
Practical Application #1
In the movie The Break-up, the dopey Vince Vaughn plays Gary, boyfriend to Brooke, played by the lovely Jennifer Aniston. In one scene Brooke is doing the dishes and has asked Gary to help:
In the movie The Break-up, the dopey Vince Vaughn plays Gary, boyfriend to Brooke, played by the lovely Jennifer Aniston. In one scene Brooke is doing the dishes and has asked Gary to help:
Gary: Fine I’ll do the dishes.
Brooke: I don’t want you to do the dishes. I want you to want to do the dishes.
Gary: Why would I want to do the dishes?
Gary is scoring a ZERO on the sensitivity scale, but Brooke isn’t helping herself either. (Poor Jennifer Aniston...No wonder she can’t find true love). Ladies, even the most sensitive men are not going to always be the guy that “wants to do the dishes”. If what you want is to get the dishes done, then say it. If what you want is to want us to do the dishes, then that will require some patience and training. It may not be fair, but it’s true.
If, ladies, you catch us doing something sensitive and considerate pat our heads and give us a treat! Or just have sex with us…and give us a treat. Either way you’ve rewarded a behavior you want repeated. And while we aren’t always as smart as we should be, we aren’t stupid either. We can do that math (which we are better at than women anyway, by the way). If we do something and get positive reinforcement, just like your golden retriever, we'll do it again.
Practical Application #2
Being the dominant, rule-conscious beings that we are, men like to fix problems. If something is wrong, we think you want us to develop a plan to make it right. What I’ve learned is “making it right” isn’t always the point. When The Wife is talking to me about a problem that’s come up on a board or project she may be working on, I step into a phone booth, don my cape and become Problem Solver Man. There are two problems with that. First, there aren’t phone booths any more. Second, The Wife never lit the night sky with the Problem Solver Man Signal. She just wanted to talk with her husband about her day. She never asked “what do you think I should do?”. Emotional intelligence is kryptonite to Problem Solver Man. Sometimes all we need to do is listen. Listen and respond with something more than a grunt and a little less than “well, here’s what you need to do”.
Being the dominant, rule-conscious beings that we are, men like to fix problems. If something is wrong, we think you want us to develop a plan to make it right. What I’ve learned is “making it right” isn’t always the point. When The Wife is talking to me about a problem that’s come up on a board or project she may be working on, I step into a phone booth, don my cape and become Problem Solver Man. There are two problems with that. First, there aren’t phone booths any more. Second, The Wife never lit the night sky with the Problem Solver Man Signal. She just wanted to talk with her husband about her day. She never asked “what do you think I should do?”. Emotional intelligence is kryptonite to Problem Solver Man. Sometimes all we need to do is listen. Listen and respond with something more than a grunt and a little less than “well, here’s what you need to do”.
So, what did we learn today? I’m hoping nobody learned just today that men and women are different. What I think we’ve learned is that we need to be conscious that those differences exist when we relate to each other. We can focus on first trying to understand our spouses in light of those differences rather than focusing on getting them to understand us and ignoring those differences. Oh, we also learned that I need to buy a cape...and a mask. Definitely, a cape and a mask.
