The 2012 Wifey Awards

Entertainers have not created enough award shows as a method to publicly honor themselves, their work and their plastic surgery.  All they have is the Oscars, Tony’s, Emmy’s, SAG, Grammy’s, People’s Choice, MTV Movie, MTV Video, Independent Spirit, Critics’ Choice, CMT, CMA and ACM (As Kanye knows, there just aren’t enough celebrity awards to go around). A group such as these beloved celebrities that can make us laugh, cry and sing all while naming their children after verbs or inanimate objects deserve as many opportunities for accolades as the viewing public can mind-numbingly consume.

So, last year I was determined to do my part in righting this wrong and I created The Wifey Awards.  This is the Keep A Happy Wife version of the Academy Awards.  The Wife and I enjoy going to the movies (especially on Tuesday which is $5 movie night) but, like most people, we don’t see a lot of the movies that get nominated for Oscars.  So, don’t count on seeing lots of nominations here for The Artist or War Horse. 

Category: Movie I’m Glad I Didn’t See

• Rise of the Planet of the Apes:  Which of you asked for another Planet of the Apes movie?  Moses must be rolling over in his grave with yet another knock off in this movie franchise.
• Justin Bieber Never Say Never:  Well, I can say “never”, as in “I’ve never heard a Justin Bieber song”.  That takes discipline, people.
• Dolphin Tale: Do I have to explain why I didn’t want to see this?   If the dolphin used his bionic tale as a vigilante-style crime fighter, then that would be a movie worth seeing.
• Jack & Jill: Adam Sandler isn’t consistently funny anymore playing a man.  Why would he be funny in a movie where he plays a man and a woman?  Answer: He wouldn’t.
• And the Wifey goes to: Justin Bieber.  This has less to do with how repulsive I find Justin Bieber, but more with keeping my own streak alive.  A player on a streak has to respect the streak , right Crash Davis?

Category: Bad A** of the Year

• Tom Cruise from the 3^rd or 4^th or 5^th (I lost count) Mission Impossible movie.  He beats people up in dramatic fashion while saving the world.
• The Iron Man Guy in the 2^nd Sherlock Holmes movie.  He beats people up in slow motion/stop action to save London.
• Liam Neeson in Unknown.  He beats people up trying to remember who he really is.
• And the Wifey Goes to: Liam Neeson.  Qui Gon Jinn deserves a lifetime achievement award in this category.  He looks like he should be teaching high school chemistry, but he can open up a can on any bad guy on a moment’s notice.

Category: Best Looking Actress:

• Jennifer Aniston: This is the second nomination in a row for Aniston.  She more than held her own alongside a much younger Brooklyn Decker in Just Go With It. 
• Rachel McAdams: Her parts in Sherlock Holmes and Midnight in Paris were too small, but she was good while she was on screen.  Now that I read “her parts” and “were too small” that sounds bad.  I mean her on-screen time seemed brief.  Get your minds out of the gutter, people.
• Olivia Wilde: She was in about ten movies last year, but I only saw one (Cowboys & Aliens).  I liked it.
• And the Wifey goes to: For the second year in a row, the award goes to The Wife.  Not only is she pretty, but she shares popcorn with me.  Jennifer Aniston has never done that.

Category: Best Looking Actor: This is based on commentary from the Wife about the actors in movies we see.  They all just look like dudes to me.  Except Owen Wilson.  He looks like an aardvark with that twisted beak of his.

• Matthew McConaughey: I think The Wife liked him more in other movies than she did in Lincoln Lawyer.
• Ryan Gosling: We saw him in Ides of March and Crazy Stupid Love.  We liked both of the movies.  The Wife says “he’s pretty”.  She says it a lot.
• Thor: I can’t remember what his real name is.  I don’t know that The Wife does either, but she says “he’s really pretty”. 
• And the Wifey goes to: After much angst, The Wife has selected Thor for the Best Looking Actor award.  She adds: “I call them ‘eye candy’”. 

Category: Best Alien Movie

• Transformers: Were there real actors in this movie?  I think the whole thing was computer graphics.  I may have to disqualify this nomination.
• Cowboys & Aliens: A cheesy movie title, but it was surprisingly good.  007 losing his British accent to play a cowboy is some great acting.
• Super 8: An interesting take on the alien movie by J.J. Abrams (“Lost”).   It reminded me of the classic Stand By Me and about a dozen space alien movies.
• And the Wifey goes to: Super 8.  Coach Eric Taylor fighting space aliens is tough to beat.

Category: Best Movie:

• Ides of March: George Clooney and Gosling led a strong cast that shocked the world by telling us that politics is a corrupt business.
• Moneyball: This movie starring Brad Pitt and a still plump Jonah Hill was a favorite of baseball geeks everywhere.
• The Adjustment Bureau: Matt Damon and Emily Blunt fight the forces of fate and destiny to hold on to true love.
• Crazy Stupid Love: I was surprised by how much I liked this movie.  Steve Carell, Gosling, Julianne Moore and the entire cast were very good in this comedy that shows how relationships can go full circle before you even know it.
• And the Wifey goes to: Well, Ides of March was too dark, so it’s out.  Moneyball ignored the pitching staff of that A’s team, so I have to toss it on the basis of the integrity of baseball history.  I’ll write about Crazy Stupid Love in another blog post soon (so we’ll call that award enough for that movie).  So, the Best Movie Wifey goes to The Adjustment Bureau.  Congratulations.  Wait….how did I give an award to a movie with an actor that was in We Bought a Zoo.  I’d go back and change it, but thinking about it makes my head hurt, so we’ll just pretend the Zoo movie never happened.

Please note that none of these movies are in 3-D or have a Justin Bieber song in its soundtrack!  I am proud of both of these facts. We haven’t seen anything so far in 2012 that will qualify for Best Movie nominee next year, but I’ll keep you posted on any good movies The Wife and I see on date night throughout the year.

Kicking Butt on Valentine's Day (A Case Study)

Imagine going to the Mercedes dealer and buying a new car for your wife.  Only when the car is delivered it’s just a box of unassembled parts.  It has instructions, but they are written in something that looks like Klingon….and the pictures on the instructions look kinda like the model of the Space Shuttle you built in 5th grade.  You don’t know what to do.  You don’t even know where to start.  However, you think that a shot of whisky would probably make it a little bit better.  Oh, yeah, all the while the love of your life is standing close by looking very disappointed.  (You definitely need some booze.)

That is how many men feel about February 14.  They want to “Keep a Happy Wife” on Valentine's Day, but aren’t sure how to do it.  Some men think throwing money at the problem will make it go away.  In an episode of The Office, Michael Scott said: “Presents are the best way to show someone you care.  It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, “Hey, I love you this many dollars worth”.  If you think that way you are an idiot.  If your wife thinks that way, then I am very, very sorry for you.  That attitude tends to make Valentine's Day really hard ("that's what she said").

If you or your wife think that breaking the bank is the best way to say “I love you (this many dollars worth)” then I say it is time to re-align that perspective and change some expectations.  A truly thoughtful gift will outweigh an expensive one every time.  (Side note: When you read “thoughtful” do not confuse that with a greeting card from the gas station you found at 6:00 on February 14).  What Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about is a celebration and declaration of how much you love your wife.  Not a celebration of how high your credit limit used to be on your American Express.

I’ll share with you a practical idea that I used this year.  It took a little time and a little planning, but it captured the meaning of Valentine’s Day.

This morning when The Wife got up, she found a scrolled note on the kitchen counter in front of a vase of red tulips.  The scroll was held together by a thumb tack.  You can see the note here.

The Wife’s van was filled with red and pink balloons (probably about 35).  Inside each balloon was a very small note.  The note was from me or one of our sons stating a reason why we loved her.  In one of the balloons were tickets for a movie on Valentine’s night.  Also, hanging from her rear view mirror was a pink striped scarf.  All in: balloons and balloon pump (recommended) from the party supply store, movie tickets and scarf from Target…about $40.  This was a meaningful, memorable and affordable Valentine’s Day.

So The Wife has spent the morning popping balloons are reading about how much her family (especially her husband) loves her.  Her comment to me: “You sure know how to show me I am loved”. 

Valentine’s Day just got it’s a$$ kicked, people!

If you have any fun Valentine's ideas, leave a comment!  I'd love to hear it. 

Happy Valentine's to you and yours.

Valentine's Special: Let Me Be Your Rufus (reprised)

In honor of the One Year Anniversary of "Keep A Happy Wife" and in celebration of the fast-approaching Valentine's Day, here is an Encore Presentation (that's fancy for "re-run") of 2011's Valentine's Day post.  Enjoy and thank you for your support.

Valentine's Day can be almost as perilous a holiday for a man as Thanksgiving is for a turkey. If you aren't careful, you just might lose your giblets.

What I mean by that is that the expectations placed upon a man to get Valentine's Day "right" are much greater than those on a woman. A man is expected to buy his wife chocolate or jewelry or flowers or all of the above.

The wife? All she has to do is show up.

Hopefully naked.

Preferably awake.

A perfect example of this inequity can be found by looking at Valentine's Day gift suggestions for men at gifts.com. Here are a few of the gems on the list:

• A tie (please, ladies...no ties).
• Annual subscription to the Pickle of the Month Club (are there even twelve different kinds of pickles?).
• The World's Largest Gummy Worm (and that is NOT a euphemism for an enhancement product).

So guys, all these expectations may have you feeling pressure leading up to Valentine's Day. Just like Ted "Theodore" Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esquire felt the pressure to pass their history final. Fail the final and Ted goes to military school and there is no Wyld Stallyns music to bring the universe into harmony. (By the way, two blog posts and two Keanu references. To quote Mr. Reeves, "whoooooa"). Your problem is you have no dude named Rufus traveling through time in a phone booth to guide you. Well, let me be your "Rufus" (sans phone booth).

Tip #1 - Too Late for Love: If you are doing your Valentine's

shopping at 6PM on February 14 at the Circle K, there will be more than "strange things afoot". There will be a foot in a high heel implanted in your backside. Don't be in the scrum of losers at the Kroger floral department fighting over the last wilted arrangement of tulips. Plan ahead…at least a little.

Tip #2 - Avoid the Self-Inflicted Wounds: If the only day a year you give your wife flowers is Valentine's Day, you are looking at $80. Let me do that currency conversion for you. Ten six-packs. Almost two full tanks of gas. Lunch for two weeks. Buying a big bouquet on Valentine's Day is for suckers and if you want to avoid that kind of punch to the coin purse then you need to bring your wife flowers more often than once a year. It may be too late for this strategery this year, but now you can plan ahead for next year. Sam's and Costco have a nice selection and proflowers.com has good deals at least 364 days a year. (Does anybody know how I can get a commission or product placement endorsement here?)

Tip #3 – Don't Forget to Wind Your Watch.

Tip #4 – Put the Greeting Card Back in the Rack and Slowly Walk Away: I hate buying greeting cards. You pay $5 for something a stranger wrote (and doesn't even have enough pride in their work to add a by-line to it). You give the card to your wife and it becomes obsolete as fast as the latest product from Apple (I don't guess the I-phone 8G will be in my mailbox anytime soon). You don't have to be Bill Shakespeare to compose your own love letters. A few simple hand-written notes for your wife hidden where she'll find them throughout the day is a can't miss hit she'll be sure to remember on Valentine's Day.

Tip #5 – To Lingerie or Not to Lingerie?: The "one and done" lingerie gift may not be your best option. First, you endure the awkwardness of shopping in Victoria's Secret (a topic for future blog to be sure). After five minutes on, it's tossed to the floor and then later crammed in the back of a drawer never to be seen again. If you do choose the lingerie route, stay classy San Diego. The wife probably won't appreciate something that would have been deemed inappropriate for a chick in a Duran Duran video.



Happy Valentine's Day to you and your "historic babe". Party on, dudes.

BREAKING NEWS: Men And Women Are Different!

Saddam Hussein Captured…that’s breaking news.

Neil Steps On Moon…is worthy of a headline.

Hillary Clinton Adopts Alien Baby…would be newsworthy if true (thanks, Weekly World News).

Men and Women Are Different…that should not be news to anybody.  Yet, a scientific study was just published proclaiming this as if it were some sort of breakthrough.

This may sound like a no-brainer but since a study published in 2005, the scientific community has been going under the assumption that men and women are more alike than different.  No wonder those in the scientific community don’t date much.  Bazinga!

This recent study published by Plos One (and linked here) revealed the results of a questionnaire given to over 10,000 Americans.  It tested 15 personality traits and there were significant differences in many of the areas tested. 

The largest differences were in the areas of Sensitivity and Warmth, with women displaying these traits more than men.  Much, much more than men.  Way much more than men.  Is “morer” a word? 

The most notable traits exhibited more by men than women were in the areas of Emotional Stability, Rules Consciousness and Dominance.  Guys, grunt once if you agree.  I guess Tim Allen and Home Improvement had it right. 

While it is silly to think these differences apply in the same way in every situation and in every relationship, it is even sillier (I know that is a word) to think that differences between men and women are insignificant or, more sillierer (spell check, please) to think they don’t exist at all.  Let me give a couple of examples of how recognizing these differences can be useful to both men and women.

Practical Application #1
In the movie The Break-up, the dopey Vince Vaughn plays Gary, boyfriend to Brooke, played by the lovely Jennifer Aniston.  In one scene Brooke is doing the dishes and has asked Gary to help:

Gary: Fine I’ll do the dishes.

Brooke: I don’t want you to do the dishes.  I want you to want to do the dishes.

Gary: Why would I want to do the dishes?

Gary is scoring a ZERO on the sensitivity scale, but Brooke isn’t helping herself either.  (Poor Jennifer Aniston...No wonder she can’t find true love). Ladies, even the most sensitive men are not going to always be the guy that “wants to do the dishes”.  If what you want is to get the dishes done, then say it.  If what you want is to want us to do the dishes, then that will require some patience and training.  It may not be fair, but it’s true.

If, ladies, you catch us doing something sensitive and considerate pat our heads and give us a treat!  Or just have sex with us…and give us a treat.  Either way you’ve rewarded a behavior you want repeated.  And while we aren’t always as smart as we should be, we aren’t stupid either.  We can do that math (which we are better at than women anyway, by the way). If we do something and get positive reinforcement, just like your golden retriever, we'll do it again.

Practical Application #2
Being the dominant, rule-conscious beings that we are, men like to fix problems.  If something is wrong, we think you want us to develop a plan to make it right.  What I’ve learned is “making it right” isn’t always the point.  When The Wife is talking to me about a problem that’s come up on a board or project she may be working on, I step into a phone booth, don my cape and become Problem Solver Man.  There are two problems with that.  First, there aren’t phone booths any more.   Second, The Wife never lit the night sky with the Problem Solver Man Signal.  She just wanted to talk with her husband about her day.  She never asked “what do you think I should do?”.  Emotional intelligence is kryptonite to Problem Solver Man.  Sometimes all we need to do is listen.  Listen and respond with something more than a grunt and a little less than “well, here’s what you need to do”. 

So, what did we learn today?  I’m hoping nobody learned just today that men and women are different.  What I think we’ve learned is that we need to be conscious that those differences exist when we relate to each other. We can focus on first trying to understand our spouses in light of those differences rather than focusing on getting them to understand us and ignoring those differences.  Oh, we also learned that I need to buy a cape...and a mask.  Definitely, a cape and a mask.

Sweet Fancy Moses! It's The Christmas Gift Buying Guide!

We all think we are good at something.  Sometimes, we truly are.  Like Colonel Sanders at cooking chicken, Tim Tebow at “Tebowing” or William Shakespeare at writing commercial jingles.  Other times, we are deeply convinced we are good at something when, in a reality plain to everyone else, we suck.  You know, how Elaine believed she could dance or Ashlee Simpson thought she could sing. 

Gift giving is my thing.  In my heart I think I’m Santa Claus.  However, I hope I’m really not just a “dry heave set to music”.  With that in mind, here is The Keep A Happy Wife Christmas Gift Buying Guide or KAHWCGBG for short (although that is not very short).

Plan Ahead: This is a recurring Keep A Happy Wife theme.  Use that smart phone for more than checking football scores and playing Words with Friends against Alec Baldwin.  Throughout the year, When The Wife mentions liking something on a commercial, I’ll add it to a note on my phone.  If she sees something in a store, I’ll wait until she’s not looking and snap a photo of it.  By the time you get to Christmas, the list is done. If, however, you are reading this now and have not already bought a gift for your wife, then it may be too late for “plan ahead”.  However, this is also “harvest season” for gift ideas.  Follow her around the mall for awhile, see what she picks up and says “ooh, I like that”.  For the dense among us, that is your clue. 

Lingerie: Let’s be honest. When a man is buying gifts for his wife, the temptation is always there to make lingerie a part of the equation.  We have a tradition in our marriage, where I buy The Wife pajamas every Christmas that she can open and wear on Christmas Eve.  These are normal person pajamas and are not inspired by the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.  Beyond that example, the lingerie rules discussed in this link should be considered.  One other thing, you don’t really want to spend Christmas Day having “the talk” with your 8-year old because they saw mommy opening a present from you.  

The Event Gift: One of my favorite gifts to give is “The Event Gift”.  No, that is not the DVD of the complete first (and only) season of the horrible TV show called “The Event”.  The Event Gift is a trip or theater or concert tickets.  It is not a Fandango gift card or tickets to “the gun show” (stop flexing, brother).   The Event Gift is like two, two, two gifts in one.  It is a gift on Christmas morning (and if you chose well, then it will be the hit gift of the Holiday Season) but it is also a gift at the time of the event itself.  What a value!  Plus, it is an opportunity to spend time with The Wife and make some memories (that’s not an intentional euphemism, but if it applies…so be it). If your spouse is a “quality time” person, then this may be a good gift route for you to take, too.  The Event Gift has been a real success with The Wife.  This blog post and this one about last Christmas’ event gift is a good example of that.

Gift Receipt: If you remember nothing else from this blog, remember this: Always ask for a gift receipt.  It only took a couple of Christmases of hearing “I love it.  Did you keep the receipt?” to figure that one out.  Of course, you can’t get a gift receipt for an “Event Gift” or a personally engraved Flava Flav watch-necklace…so be careful there.  Including the gift receipt in the box avoids the awkward request from The Wife for it and tells her “I really tried to find you something you’d love, but in case I “pulled an Elaine” on this one take it back and get something you want”.  Who knew a receipt could be so chatty?

Say It: Christmas shopping can be a pain the gluteus, especially for us dudes.  It can drain your Christmas Cheer faster than being middle aged can lower your testosterone levels (at least what they say on TV).  So to keep it up – the Christmas Cheer, that is – say “Merry Christmas”.  To less-than-helpful sales clerks, to self-absorbed shoppers, to parking-space-stealing buttheads…say “Merry Christmas”.  It will help you keep the Christmas Cheer for yourself and spread it to others as well.  Or you could just take Elf’s advice and sing “loudly for all to hear”. 

For more gift buying tips (What Not To Do), see the Review, Previews and Insightful Commentary section of this blog! 

May all the gifts you give this year be "finger-lickin' good".

From myself, The Wife, The Tall One and The Short One: Merry Christmas to you and yours! 

Half A Lifetime

I think it was Abraham Lincoln who said “Statistics are like a bikini.  What they reveal is suggestive.  What they conceal is vital.”  That’s not really relevant, but I liked the quote.  Any time you can mis-attribute a quote to Lincoln and mention “bikini” in the same sentence…well that is a great way to start a blog post. 

Statistics is not the subject today, but I have some interesting stats about the way we spend our time in life. 

• The average person lives 77 years.  28,000 days.  670,000 hours.  40,000,000 minutes.
• A total of 23 years of that time, we are asleep.  If that’s the case, all need to have better dreams.
• 12 years are spent working.
• 3 years are spent eating.
• 6 months are spent on the toilet, though your mileage may vary.
• 10 years are spent talking – women maybe more, men maybe less.
• 3 years are spent waiting on something – women maybe less, men maybe more (waiting on women).
• 1 year, on average, is spent praying.
• 2 years are spent on the phone.

I’m a man.  I’m forty…four.  Twenty-two years ago today The Wife and I were married.  Half of my life I have been married.  What have any of us done for half of our lives?  Besides the things you learned before you were five (feed yourself, go boom-boom in the potty, read, etc.) what have you done for half of your life? 

I do not remember not being married.  I don’t mean that I have no memories before November 18, 1989.  I mean I don’t remember what it is like to not be married.  And that’s a good thing.

I remember what it was like not having cell phones and personal computers - we used a home phone, we had conversations with people, wrote letters to friends and used an encyclopedia (Who was the last encyclopedia salesman you knew?  Fonzie?).

I remember when the local paper was the primary source of news – we’ve now gone from under-informed to information overload. 

I remember when every other movie wasn’t a sequel, a remake or gimmicked into being 3D – yes, you had to have an idea to make a movie.

I remember when TV commercials didn’t show models in their underwear – I won’t comment further on grounds of self-incrimination.

I do not remember not being married, though.  And that’s a good thing (at least I think it’s still a good thing.  The Wife gets the underwear model thing is a joke, right?)

Our first meal together as a married couple, The Wife and I ate a Wendy’s in Chattanooga as we were driving to Disney World for our honeymoon.  Tonight we’ll celebrate our anniversary in a dining room at Churchill Downs.

Since being married, we have lived at 8 different addresses and 5 different cities.  We have actually lived in Louisville longer than any other place. 

We have two kids and I don’t remember not having them around either.  That, too, is a good thing.  The Tall One showed up nearly 18 years ago and The Short One a little more than 13 years ago.  Forty percent of my life as a parent?  Seems longer.

Wherever we have lived and whatever challenges we have faced and changes we’ve ridden through…I have been blessed.  Abraham Lincoln once said: “Happy wife…happy life”.  If that is a true saying, then The Wife must be one ecstatic woman. Happy anniversary, honey.

Love, Regret & the Worst Commercial Ever

Bad television commercials are plentiful.  As plentiful as sand in the Sahara, losing lotto tickets or dropped calls by AT&T.  Speaking of AT&T...your personal least favorite commercial may be the Head On! commercial, or the Hardee’s commercial where the lady puts her fist in her mouth or the creepy Burger King ads where you wake up to find the king in bed with you.  You can take all of those, toss in every erectile dysfunction ad, feminine protection commercial and political campaign spot and there is no commercial worse than this one.

This commercial deals with a husband excitedly telling his wife about getting unlimited mobile-to-mobile minutes. The wife is disgusted that he did this without discussing it with her and mumbles her regret: “My mother was right.  I should have married John Clark”.  The husband, crushed by his shrew of a wife, replies “It was free”.  What was edited out of the ad was the expletive that should have followed, as in: “It was free, B*@#!”. 

To address the commercial itself, I don’t know what AT&T was thinking.  To begin with, it doesn’t project a good image for the company – you’re a cell phone company, AT&T, you need all the image help you can get.  The ad is about free mobile to mobile minutes, a program targeted to families, but the wife’s response is about as anti-family as you can get.  I suppose she could have said “I’m sleeping with John Clark.  He works for AT&T so I already have that feature”.  That would have been worse.

They have enough money to afford a large greenhouse.  A greenhouse?  Who has a greenhouse?  Yet, she’s goes nuclear (or as George W would say “noo-coo-lur”) over a cell phone plan.  Bottom line: Worst.  Commercial.  Ever.

What can we learn here?  First, the problem this whipped ol’ boy faces could have been solved had he heeded the wisdom in the Keep A Happy Wife Guys’ first blog post.  Choose the right spouse! 

Second, you can also choose your focus.  The “something else” always has the potential to look better to you if that is where you target your focus.  George Costanza obsessed over Marisa Tomei and put at risk his engagement with Susan.  In this case, the “something else” was better, so…bad example.  Anyway, normal life will prove my point to be still valid. 

Making a conscious effort to remember why you love your spouse will help keep the “something else” from creeping in.  The Greenhouse Harpy has clearly decided to romanticize about how her life would be better with John Clark rather than focusing on the positives of her life with her husband.  Am I suggesting you ignore problems in your marriage?  Of course not.  However, the focus of your life can’t be just the problems or the perceived short-comings.  That only leads to regret.  Regret leads to sadness.  Sadness leads to pain. Pain leads to b*@#!-ness.  I think Yoda said that.

Here’s a practical example of choosing your focus.  Recently, The Wife and I pulled out some old photos.  Many of these turned out to be from the late 80s – early 2000’s.  Photos old enough that I was skinny. We saw me go from clean shaven to full nappy beard to clean shave to bad stache to clean shaven to full beard to clean shaven again to goatee.  My purpose in this was not to reminisce about the history of facial hair, but was to see how our kids have grown up.  The Tall One being in his senior year in high school is starting to sink in (“What is this salty discharge?” – Jerry).  However, as we were digging through pictures it brought to mind many happy times that The Wife and I have shared.  Even back in the college days (where we went from her tolerating me to not wanting to have anything to do with me to loving me forever) and the early days of our marriage we could see good times and how we made it through some tough ones.  Different houses, different friends, different churches, different careers, different cities.  The constant was me and The Wife. 

Are there things I would do differently?  Absolutely.  There were some obviously poor fashion choices and I should have worked in a few more salads over the years.  Is there anything I regret?  Absolutely not. 

I feel like the guy with the radio voice should now say: “Life…what a beautiful choice”.