A Thrill of Hope

 Bleak and getting bleaker (if that’s even a word).

The condition of my friend’s mother was getting worse and worse by the day.  She could not eat and her mind seemed to be fading fast.  Every call from home brought only more bad news.  As he was preparing to drive back home again to see her for what he feared would be the final time, another call came from his brother.  He dropped his head and stared at the phone, imagining the worst news would follow the moment he answered it.  He hit “accept”, walked down the hall and said “Mornin’, bro. How’s mom?”

A few minutes later my friend runs back to me.  His eyes full of tears and his voice trembling, but with a look of joy.  He struggled to find the words but said, “Kevin…they say mom is going to be OK.  She’s had some undiagnosed virus or something that they can easily treat now. She’ll need some time to recover, but she’s going to live!”

A thrill of hope.

A Season of Reflection

Hopefully, this doesn’t come as a shock to you, but…Jesus’ birthday isn’t December 25.  That’s OK, though.  That the date was selected a couple thousand years ago in an attempt to replace pagan celebrations held at the same time shouldn’t be that important to you today.  The point is that He had a birthday at all. 

So, the season traditionally set aside to remember the birth of "the one who was to reconcile man to God" seems like an appropriate time to reflect.  Reflect on who we are, where we are in our journey, and what our relationship is with the Savior of the World.

The last couple of years we have all been bombarded with images, slogans and experiences purposed to bring about fear, isolation and hopelessness.  Waging our own war against these enemies can leave us weary.  All the more reason to take time to contemplate on the condition of our soul and our spiritual health. 

This assault we’ve seen on mankind is certainly something we can’t ignore as we ponder the questions of who we are and where we are.  Of course, also in the blend will be the circumstances of our own specific situation: uncertain futures, the constant of change, family, health, relationships, etc. 

Our daily struggles, especially when viewed alongside the state of the world, can mount up against us.  Setting aside time to re-establish our foundation and recover our vision can help put our lives and our circumstances back in proper perspective. Our outlook on our lives and ourselves will depend greatly upon what we choose to focus.  Having the discipline of focus is much easier when we know who we truly are in the first place. 

From a practical standpoint, remember that you are important.  You are here for a purpose.  Even if you aren’t really sure what that purpose is, don’t give up on it.  Keep seeking.  

Know that everybody (not just you) is fighting a battle nobody else may know about.  You are not alone in your fight or in your fighting.  Don’t believe the lie that you are on your own.  Look for the victory when the battle is all you see.  Remembering who you are in the middle of the fight can be the thrill of hope you need to reset your vision and refresh your courage.

This season is also a time to reflect on where we are in relation to Jesus.  Not where we are in relation to the church (good or bad) or our past (good or bad).  He’s strong enough and compassionate enough to love you where you are.  For the believer or unbeliever, Jesus’ love can’t be swayed by our doubts, our failures, or even our dismissal of Him.  Unconditional love is the essence of a thrill of hope.

You Never Know

I’ve found that one of the best ways to find hope in my own life is to try to help direct others towards it in theirs.  This is something I need to remember and practice much more often.

A thrill of hope can shine into someone’s life in many (some even unexpected) ways.  An intentional and sincere word of encouragement, for example, can be a way to bring hope to someone who we know is in need of it. 

Being used as a messenger of hope when we don’t even realize it can be just as important.  I had a friend tell me about a conversation we had 20 years ago and that it changed his life.  I have no recollection of that conversation at all and, quite frankly, when he reminded me of it, it didn’t seem all that important to me.  However, it was meaningful to him and brought hope to him at a time when he needed it.  That is what matters.  That I couldn’t “take a bow” for it is all the better.

Forgiving when it may not seem deserving, or loving when someone isn’t easy to love are rare and heroic ways to deliver hope.  And the undeserving and the unlovable are in as much need for a thrill of hope as anyone (and haven’t we all been the "undeserving" and the "unlovable" at some point our own selves).

Hope springs from the simple things, too.  A smile.  A hug.  An “I love you” or an “I believe in you”.  All are keys that can unlock hope in another. 

I believe these things are true all the time, but especially so this time of year.  People do reflect a lot during the holidays.  Sometimes those reflections veer down a dark road and can get us stuck in a ditch of hurt, comparison, or disappointment.  By purposefully being more open and outward-focused in our hearts we can sense who, when, and how someone in our lives may need a little hope and encouragement.

My heart is that you know how important and how loved you are during the holidays and the year through. And also, that you will see and share the Love, the Peace and the Hope of the Christmas season.

Thank you to The Wife.  She is the greatest source of hope to me that I know in this world.

The Lighting of the Tree

 Tonight was the lighting of the tree.  Well, maybe not the lighting of THE tree, but the lighting of our tree.  

Decorating for Christmas is one of those things that I always dread-love.  Pulling out the boxes of ornaments and trees and twisted strands of lights from storage is the dread part.  Seeing it all after it has come together...that is the love. 

I especially love the ornaments.  It's an annual life-flashing-before-your-eyes event.  It is a flashback of  family history as I pull out the "First Christmas Together 1989" ornament or the one that says "Baby's First Christmas" or a snowman from 15 years ago that has everyone's name written on it.  

Thirty-one years.  Thirty-one Christmases together.  Spanning our years without kids to years with babies to years with teenagers to years without kids again to now our second year with a grandchild!  

A very personal touch to our family tree is the many ornaments The Wife has made.  Often over the years she's started crafting some of them even in the middle of the summer.  There must be dozens of them now and they are the heart of our tree.  

So, tonight as I searched the tree for the perfect branch for each of The Wife's ornaments, I was reminded of the depth of our connection.  Our lives are as intertwined as one of those strand of tree lights that was packed down deep at the bottom of the box.  I was reminded of how beautiful and reassuring and satisfying it is to be blessed with over three decades together in love.  Each of those thirty-one Christmases is surrounded by another 364 days.  Most of those days have been some level of bliss, but, of course, we've had a few challenges along the way.  Those challenges we have met together and the power of two-greater-than-one hasn't let us down yet.

On this year's lighting of the tree, I am even more hopeful for our future because I've been reminded of our past.  To The Wife I say "thank you".  Thank you for making these ornaments.  Thank you for our history.  Thank you for our future.  You complete me.  (Yes, "Jerry Maguire" is on TBS right now, but it's still true).

Merry Christmas, everyone.  May lighting your tree and this holiday season bring you peace and joy and, most of all, love. 

Keeping A Happy Wife During a Worldwide Pandemic

Welcome to the strangest of days.  We are all plowing new ground together here and I would highly recommend you not try to go this on your own.  Despite the fact that adherence to social distancing may try to send us on a fast track to isolation, we need to remind ourselves we are NOT alone.  And as men, our calling to "keep a happy wife" doesn't take a backseat in these tough times.  If anything, the call should be stronger and we should be more vigilant in meeting it.  With that in mind, here are a few tips on keeping a happy wife even during a worldwide pandemic (plus a bonus sermonette at the end).

Tip #1: Don't Watch So Much Sports: See...I'm starting with an easy one.  How many times has your wife asked you "are you still watching basketball (or football or baseball or...)?".  Our government has removed that from you as an option as to how you spend your time.  That is, unless, you are glued to ESPN watching March Madness marathons from 1983.  If that is you...be better.

Tip #2: Don't Watch So Much News: About five minutes in the morning, five minutes in the afternoon and five minutes at night will get you EVERYTHING you really need to know.  Everything else is simply adding layer and layer of bricks to a wall of fear or anger or disgust.  The same goes for social media, too.  If you can't filter out the barrage of bullsh*t, then delete the app from you phone.  You aren't helping yourself or your wife. 

Tip #3: Stay Connected to Each Other: You may say "But, Kevin, we are in a house-quarantine together.  How much more connected can you get?". Well, if you are spending the hours of your day trying to work from home while homeschooling...that's not necessarily connected.  Or, if you are both staring at your phones seeing what your favorite pseudo-celebrity's opinion of the day is on a medical crisis or an economic upheaval...that's not connected, either.  Talk to each other.  It's certainly good to talk about these events of the day and share your thoughts, but the connection shouldn't center on virus talk.  Talk about good times you've shared - perhaps times you've overcome challenges together.  Tell her you love her!  I also think your wife is an exemption to the social distancing mandate (if you know what I mean). 

My son and grandson on the bottom right. 

Tip #4: Stay Connected to Others: The Wife and I lead a Life Group together through our church.  The last two weeks we have met "virtually" through Skype.  While it is not the "normal", it is some injection of normal into our lives and the lives of those in our group.  I've also met with several groups of friends over Skype in the last week or so.  It is a tool designed for such a time as this.

Tip #5: Be in Peace: Gentlemen, we are all in some level of stress. That is a universal truth that is not unique to these days of COVID-19 .  We each deal with stresses under much more ideal circumstances than this. THIS only adds a good bit more juice to it.  During THIS (just as we did pre-THIS) we need to be intentional about remaining in peace.  Regular bouts of freaking out and losing our minds is not a way to live and not a way to honor our wives in any season...even when dealing with THIS. Our families all have decisions to make during THIS and doing so out of fear will lead to frustration and dismay.  So, how do we remain in peace?

Two Takeaways From Matthew 14

I've been coming back to two separate passages in Matthew 14.  One I started meditating on a few months ago and the other came to mind just today.  I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I didn't realize they were both in Matthew 14 until I started to write this.  So, much for street cred as a Bible scholar.

While I was too dense to see the connection of these passages at first, the connection is there nonetheless.  Both will be familiar stories to even the most infrequent of Sunday School attendee.

The first I'll touch on is the story of Peter walking on the water (Matthew 14: 23-32).  The disciples of Jesus went out on a boat and encountered a terrible storm.  Along comes Jesus walking on the water right on past the boat.  Peter calls to Jesus and says "If it's really you, Jesus, tell me to come out to you".  Jesus replies "Bring it, bro!" (or something like that).  Peter steps out of the boat and is walking on the water towards Jesus.  After a few moments, he takes his eyes off Jesus and turns his focus to the wind and the waves.  His thoughts that moments ago compelled him to step out of the boat (thoughts of bravery and security because of Jesus) were replaced with fear of the things his focus had turned to and he began to sink.  ("Peter saw the wind and was afraid and began to sink").

Peter cried out "Lord, save me!".  Despite losing his focus, Peter still knew Jesus was his savior and was more powerful than the thing that he feared. 

To stay in peace...keep your eyes on Jesus. You control your thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5).  Whether you think you do or not...you do.  Philippians 4:8 tells us what kind of things we should think on.  If we didn't have a say in the matter, God wouldn't tell us we did.  We can choose to dwell on the virus (Do I have it?  Does my kid have it?  Does my wife?)  or we can gain the information we need, turn off the rest of it and focus on what God has to say about who we are (and who our wife and kids are, too). 

Immediately before this passage in Matthew, is the feeding of the 5,000 (Matthew 14:13-21).  Jesus asks his disciples to gather up food from the crowd so that all the people can be fed.  After what must have been a great deal of time, the disciples bring back five loaves and two fish.  Barely enough for a special at Long John Silver's. 

When presented with this completely inadequate supply of food, Jesus "looked up to Heaven, gave thanks and broke the loaves".  Jesus' response wasn't to criticize the disciples or the people.  Jesus didn't freak out and post a photo on Instagram on how little food there was.  He didn't even grab the loaves and fish and hoard them for himself. 

No, in a moment of perceived lack, he turned his vision towards Heaven and He gave thanks.  The result was provision and abundance...not just for himself, but for everyone present. 

In the middle of THIS, many people are panicking.  A mentality of lack and fear are driving people to hoard bread and meat and (for some reason) toilet paper.  In the middle of THIS, people are in a real time of need.  There is the reality of possibly permanently losing a job or a business. 

When confronted with fear...look to Jesus despite the waves and wind demanding your attention. 

When tempted towards lack...look up to Heaven and give thanks.  God will provide.

As I said before, we are all in some level of stress.  Now, (dealing with THIS) more than ever.  How do you choose to respond to that stress is the defining question.  Since we are all experiencing some level of stress (a unique, once-in-a-millennium kind of stress) stay connected to your brother.  The most stable dude you know may be freaking out a bit right now.  Be an encouragement to all of those around you.  And not just a vocal encouragement, but put your faith into action.  You may be the one Jesus is asking to pull a brother from the raging waves.  You may be the one Jesus will use to help feed and comfort another. 

In all of THIS, make good choices about what you look to and what your focus is on.  We will overcome THIS.  And I pray you emerge on the other side stronger in your heart, in your faith and in your relationships than you've ever been.  Love and blessings to you and yours. 

Since the Last Time I Wrote One of These...

Since the last time I wrote one of these six years ago, I am older and fatter.  Most other comparative adjectives don’t play in my favor, either.  However, I do still have life insurance and The Wife has the DVR full of episodes of “Snapped”.  This blog post is quickly headed towards being a potential cry for help.  Let me get us back on track.

Since the last time I wrote one of these six years ago, The Wife and I got one son through college and another is just three months from doing the same.  The Older One also has a good job, a wife, a house and a baby (done in that order).  The Younger One already has a terrific job waiting for him after he graduates.  The Wife is, and always has been, an extraordinary mother to our sons.  And to no one’s surprise, she is taking to the new role of grandmother quite easily.  A very sexy grandma at that (do yourself a favor though…do NOT google “sexy grandma”). 

Since the last time I wrote one of these six years ago, I’ve spent too much time ranting on twitter about sports, politics, music and nonsense.  Then, I’ve spent too much time writing articles for blogs about Bourbon.  The Wife has been ever supportive: laughing at my jokes and liking my tweets (an occasional re-tweet is a much better way to say “I love you”, but I won’t complain).

Since the last time I wrote one of these six years ago, work life for both of us has been quite different than either of us imagined.  The Wife re-entered the workforce and, again to no surprise, she is exceptional at what she does.  She also remains remarkably supportive and encouraging to me in my work.  It’s like she’s an amalgamation of all the women from the movie “9 to 5”.

Since the last time I wrote one of these six years ago, a lot has changed.  Change, in general, is expected.  Change, in specific…that’s where the surprise comes in.  Some of it’s great.  Some of it’s good.  Some of it’s not so good.  Some of it, honestly, can kinda suck.  The constant in all of this has been The Wife.  There is not a shadow of a doubt of her love, her support or her character regardless of great, good or sucky changes in circumstances.  I don’t have to fear that if I mess up, will she still love me (she hasn’t quit on me yet…why start now?).  Even though she may binge-watch a dozen episodes of “Snapped”, I don’t have to fear that she’ll kill me in my sleep. 

Since the last time I wrote one of these six years ago, there is one amazing thing that has changed in such amazing ways and that is amazingly how I love her more now than then.  And that is something that I did not believe could be possible.

Down-Right Amazing

When it’s been a really (really, really) long time since writing a blog post, you want it to be about something special.  Not just special, but down-right amazing.  So, today I’m writing about the World Cup.  Did we win?  Or tie? Or not lose so badly? Come to think of it…that’s not really up to the standard of “down-right amazing”.  

What I will write about is The Wife.  Today is her REDACTEDth birthday and she is down-right amazing.  I couldn’t imagine that anyone could love me the way that she does.  There’s no feeling quite like knowing…and not just “knowing”, but “KNOWING-KNOWING”…that the person you love loves you, too, and regardless of happenstance or chance or circumstance that love does not waver.  Plus…she laughs at my jokes.

As a mom, The Wife will stack up with the best of all time.  Cleaver, Huxtable, Brady, Bundy...none have anything on her.  She has molded two outstanding young men through her love, support and prayers.  She’s willing to sacrifice everything for them, but she’s also willing to hold them accountable (even as 20 and 15 year olds).  For boys that age to seek out her advice and her time and her hugs speaks to the strength of the relationships that she still has with them.

The Wife is talented and kind and generous and loyal and considerate to all who know her.  She is a down-right amazing lady.  So much so, in fact, fireworks will be shot in her honor all weekend long.

Happy birthday, dear.  I love you.

The 2014 Wifey Awards

Yes, just in time for The Oscars, it’s the 4^th Annual Wifey Awards.  These are my categories based on movies (or films, if you want to be pretentious) that I’ve seen.  If I didn’t see it, I didn’t include it.  Most of these I’ve seen with The Wife by my side, sharing my popcorn and, bite by bite, dropping it on the floor.  There are lots of links to clips, trailers and photos here, so you can explore the movies if you choose.  Also, here are links to 2013, 2012 and  2011 Wifey Awards.

Category: Best looking actress

• Jennifer Aniston, We’re the Millers: Aniston has been nominated in this category every year, which is a tribute to her body of work (pun most definitely intended).
• Paula Patton, 2 Guns: Finally dumping that doofus Robin Thicke clinched her nomination here.
• Amy Adams, American Hustle: Her necklines plunged like Jimmy Carter’s approval rating.
• And The Wifey goes to…The Wife.  She edges out poor Jen again.  We’re approaching “Susan Lucci” territory with the annual snubs of Aniston.  Better luck next year.

Category: Best movie scene

• Captain Phillips, closing scene: A very subdued performance throughout and then draws every bit of emotion out of himself and the audience in the last 2 minutes.
• American Hustle, science oven: Rosalyn (Jennifer Lawrence) saying “thank God for me” is pretty classic. Note: clip includes "adult language".
• Gravity, opening sequence: Sure it’s all special effects, but Alfonso Cuaron gave an incredible perspective on the intense vastness of space.
• And The Wifey goes to…Captain Phillips.  This is why Tom Hanks is a national treasure.  He’s come a long way since Bosom Buddies!

Category: Best Hair

• Jeremy Renner, American Hustle: It would take dozens of woodland creatures to create a pelt like Renner has on the top of his head.
• Christian Bale, American Hustle: Batman has really let himself go.
• Elizabeth Banks, Hunger Games: Catching Fire: The odds are in favor of that being a labradoodle on her head.
• And The Wifey goes to…Bale.  Anything that was so painstakingly put together deserves an award.  When I first saw the trailer for American Hustle I had no idea that was Christian Bale.

Category: Best Sequel or Remake 

• A Good Day to Die Hard: A bad Die Hard movie is better than no Die Hard movie. This was at least average.
• Star Trek Into Darkness: I love the new Star Trek.  J.J. Abrams honors the old story lines while adding his own fresh twist.  It is how re-makes should be done.
• Hunger Games: Catching Fire: The development of the overall story could have been done in about 15 minutes.  It was a good movie, but what was the point in the plot line?
• And The Wifey goes to…Star Trek.  Sherlock is Khan?  That’s tough to beat.

Category: Best Movie You May Not Have Seen

• The Way, Way Back: Steve Carell and Sam Rockwell lead a cast-full of strong performances in this
  coming-of-age comedy.  A “feel good” film if you need it.
• Prisoners: Not a “feel good” movie at all.  This is a moody thriller that explores what lengths we would go to in order to protect our children and seek justice.  Great acting performances (Hugh Jackman and Jake Gylenhall) and expertly directed, too. 
  
• Rush: Ron Howard explores the clash of personalities, philosophies and egos in this true story of rival race car drivers.
• And The Wifey goes to...The Way, Way Back.  I had a tough time deciding between this one and Prisoners.  In case of a tie, The Wifey goes to the movie The Wife liked the best. 

Category: Movie of the Year

• Captain Phillips: Perhaps Hanks’ best performance since Cast Away. He deserved an Oscar
  
  nomination.  Paul Greengrass does a great job directing the audience throughout this intense story.
• American Hustle: It would be tough to assemble a better cast.  It’s become hipster to hate this movie, but it is one of the best movies of the year that I saw.  
• Lone Survivor: A very raw and gripping portrayal of this true story of a Navy SEAL team mission gone wrong in Afghanistan.  It is tough to watch at times, but it is important to watch anyway.
• And The Wifey goes to…Lone Survivor.  You will remember what you saw, heard and felt from this movie for years to come.  It is a fitting tribute to the men and women who serve to defend us.  It is tough to top that.

Harold Ramis Lifetime Achievement Award

This week one of my favorite movie writers/directors passed away.  If you laughed in a movie over the last

35 years, it is likely Harold Ramis (first on right) had something to do with it.  Ramis brought us movies like Animal House, Stripes, Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day and Vacation.   And I honestly don’t know that I can communicate with another human being without Caddyshack as part of my lexicon.  So, I’ve got that going for me…which is nice.  While he was sometimes an actor (Ghostbusters and Stripes) Ramis did more as a writer and director.  He did what I wish I could: make people laugh without necessarily needing the spot light to do it.  Do yourself a favor this week and watch (or more likely re-watch) a Harold Ramis movie.

Advice and Good Advice for Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is this Friday.  If your response to that sentence is "Oh *expletive*!" then this blog post may be just what you needed.  Here is some advice and some good advice for you to "Keep a HappyWife" on Valentine's Day.

Advice: Don’t buy your wife and girlfriend the same gift.

Good advice: If you have a wife…don’t have a girlfriend.

Advice: Tell your wife she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve seen today.

Good advice: Adding “and that includes the chicks I’ve been scoping on FarmersOnly.com” does not make that a better compliment.

Advice: Dinner and movie can be a nice Valentine’s evening.

Good advice: Dinner should not be a McRib.  Movie should not star a Schwarzenegger, a Stallone or a Van Damme.

Advice: Writing your wife a poem is a sweet and sentimental Valentine’s gesture.

Good advice: The poem should not start with the line “There once was a man from Nantucket”.

Advice: While not very creative, a heart box of candy chocolates is a delicious gift.

Good advice: You should not pick out the chocolates filled with caramel leaving only the ones filled with Texas Pete or silly putty.

Advice: A good line is “You’re pretty as a picture”.

Good advice: Don’t add “I mean almost  any picture.  Even prettier than those cartoon babes, except for maybe Jessica Rabbit”.

Advice: Tell your wife “I love you”.

Good advice: If she asks you “why?” be prepared with an answer other than just “you let me see you naked”.

As a reference, here are links to prior Valentine's Day posts:

Adventures in Lingerie Shopping

Kicking Butt on Valentine's Day (A Case Study)

Valentine's Special: Let Me Be Your Rufus